No smoking!

 

I like to begin my story-telling with questions because it gives me the feeling that my audience is on the same bearing with me. This is especially so when the answers to those questions can aid them to better appreciate the story.

I am therefore prompted to ask; what would you think of a tailor, well known to you, whom you met just recently in his workshop stitching broken plates and plastic bowls with all sense of seriousness that one could accord only to a new bride? Or how about a lawyer whom you saw yesterday fully clad in his usual lawyerly attire (a pair of black trousers and a sparkling white long sleeve shirt, a suit to match and a tie around his neck like a goat being led to the slaughter) sitting in one of the stalls in Dutse market selling ‘bollie’ and roast corn with a book on his table entitled “The law!” “That’s weird!” I perceive you would say.

Anyways, lest I bore you, the story I am about to tell you did not happen in an American movie, neither did I watch in silver bird cinema. Quite frankly, it happened live - in broad day light! I will be vivid and pellucid in my account so as to give you a pleasurable reading.

Just two months into the year 2012, February, to be precise, three able-bodied men were travelling along the outskirts of Abuja; about 25 kilometers away from Nyanya in a truck or “tanker” as it is popularly called in Nigeria to a destination I could not particularly figure out but as it were, they were headed towards Lafia, the Nassarawa state capital. They must have been conveying fuel to wherever it is they were going to. One of them was by name Musa, the other was Akanchawa and the tallest of them was called Adamu. Adamu was muscularly built and his lips were as black as the back of my mother’s pot. Akanchawa who drove the truck was an Igbo man of about forty-five years. He had a tummy that bulged, and only narrowly escaped dwarfism.

As they continued on this journey, they chatted and talked about nothing in particular, giving laud guffaws each time any of them said something funny. At a time they discussed about how Arsenal Football Club had been a total flop  in their last match against Juventus and how Van Persie who they held in  high esteem had been a complete disappointment in the match haven missed countless opportunities to give the club an edge in that match. The most annoying aspect of the match according to Musa was the die-minute penalty kick awarded to Arsenal Football club that would have earned the club victory in that match which Van Persie rightly kicked over the bar.

At another time, they argued who the better man was at wooing girls. Adamu specifically argued strongly that that was in fact his area of calling. According to him no girl had the moral fiber to resist him as each time he approached a girl she immediately gave in to his compelling but tactful methodologies. “That one na lie jor!” Akanchawa snapped “e no fit happen except, you dey pour them powder for face!”  “Yes! zat is true” Musa joined in “Adamu I dey use am po magani, na im make all za girls I dey polo am flenty”  “That is a bloody lie Musa! I am a complete man and for your information I don’t use any medicine on any girl, they just love me. They can’t resist this face now…” Adamu said emphatically touching his forehead that protruded like the mouth-piece of an AK 47. They continued their argument in this manner for sometimes until a fight nearly ensued among the three of them. They were however brought back to their senses when the vehicle began to swerve in all directions and eventually lost control almost running into another truck that was coming in the opposite direction but as God would have it, Akanchawa quickly regained his poise and immediately diverted the car into the bush where a tree brought it to a halt.

The day was near dusk now. So they decided to spend the night there before proceeding on their journey the next morning since they still had a long way to travel. Akanchawa alighted from the truck and began to inspect it to ensure that no part of the vehicle was damaged or that no fuel was leaking as if anything was wrong with the truck they going to lose their pay from their boss. Satisfied that there was nothing wrong with the vehicle except for the little scratch on it which must have been caused by the tree which brought it to a halt, he went to join the others who were now munching the remaining meat which they had bought from Nyanya. Musa ate like one who has never had meat in his life and each time he swallowed his eyes shone like halogen lamp! Adamu was not as much interested in the meat so he took just three pieces of the meat and went under the truck to sleep “Ha-ha! This is the time” he said to himself. “If not for that man Akanchawa, who said he didn’t like the smell, I would have long taken it to cool my body”. He said to himself again. There was obviously no time to waste so he quickly brought out the neatly packaged St. Morris cigarette and a match box and began to look at the two items in his hands. “Musa must not see this” he said to himself thoughtfully peering sideways to ensure that Musa was not listening to him. “…If not he would beg for one. That man can beg even a baby for biscuit!” he said to himself again as he turned his behind to the other side so that no one would notice that he was smoking. He sucked at the slender stick the first time and haa! He felt so cool. Eagerly he went for a second, this time around determined to drain the energy out of the cigarette        and    Just as he was about to do that, he remembered he had been the same one who had used                                                                                                                            oil paint some days before their trip to inscribe on the body of the truck “NO SMOKING, HIGHLY INFLAMMABLE!”. Unknown to him, there was a leak right underneath where he laid. The liquid dropped on his cigarette and that was it. The deadly alarm went off, BOOM! And In split seconds the place was razed in fire...